Chupstogo

There are a few bloggers that I truly admire. And in my admiration, sometimes I like to experience using their style of telling a story. This is why some of my entries are reminiscent of the great miss chuniverse, who's wit and sense of humor remains unparalleled. Another is Chupstogo. So this next FR is written in the style of his talent. 

This is how I came about meeting my latest conquest:

Hihihi!

Back to reality!

Appearance: Hay gwapo! Probably the most good-looking in Datu's line-up. He looks like a goon in the photos uploaded by Datu, but make no mistake, the guy looks very decent in person. 

Attitude: Mabait, but then again, baguhan. Rey was not kidding when he texted that the guy was fresh from the province. And very fresh indeed. He is still full of that charming probinsyano-naivete and has yet to learn the ropes of living the city life.

Massage: Uulitin ko: Baguhan! Haha! Do not expect to feel relaxed from the massage. He is still learning the skills of the craft. And there were instances when the massage gets too painful.

MS: Aray aray! Masakit!!! Masakit!!! [Looks at Jigz]

Jigz: [Smiles with perfect teeth]

MS: OK ok... carry on.

MS: Ouch ouch! Wag diyan! Wag diyan! [Looks at Jigz]

Jigz: [Smiles again with perfect teeth]

MS: Ok ok... you're forgiven.

Char!

But he did try to make it up with sincerity. Yes... 1 hour and 45 minutes of sincerity! Kaloka! I thought the massage was never going to end. 

Hihihi!

That which every masseur will be measured with: BIG! as in BIG! and curves to the left.

ES: Uulitin ko ulit: Baguhan! Do not expect anything at all! The guy has only been in Datu for a week and has no experience in other MPs. I was the 3rd client to avail of his ES, Chupstogo was the 2nd. The guy was literally still shivering with fear. I feel like such a rapist. There were instances when my tongue reaches areas I know none of his girlfriends from the past, present or future will ever reach and his body starts convulsing, his eyes closes, his bites his lips and lets out an involuntary "aaaaahhhh!"

Overall: I do understand why Chupstogo felt a closeness to the guy. His innocence is genuine. His smile still untainted. 

Will I come back for seconds? Sure, why not. But next time, I want to be the rapee!

Hihihi!

Now, no Filipino movie is complete without a scene of two bitches going at each others throats...

So... sa muling pagkikita namin ni Chupstogo:

Hahaha!

Mama Rey is the manager of Datu Spa. Thank you for helping me out with Jigz. And... peace tayo ah. :)

To Chupstogo: GRABE!!! Ang hirap pala gumawa ng ganito! Hahaha! I have always known you are talented, but after trying your style of conveying your story, I have a new found respect for you! This imitation of your craft is my sincerest way of saying "Ang galing mo!" Hahaha

Now for the not-so Miss Universe response: AT NAKAGANTI NA DIN AKO FOR BEING A CONSTANT SUBJECT NG MGA BEKI COMICS MO! HAHAHAHA!

The Spa Experience

Well... hehe...

I am no self-proclaimed expert on the massage parlor experience. After all, I have only been acquainted to this world for such a short short period of time. 

Char! 

But I'll try my best to share whatever knowledge I have garnered and perhaps this entry could provide an insight or two and help turn a could-be frightful experience into a pleasant one. 

It is only natural to feel fear when we try new things. When we have so little knowledge of the inner workings of a system, we feel we have little control of the variables and the events that could happen and the experience may not flow in the direction we wish it to course through. It is this loss of control from where our fear stems from. So hopefully this article could help arm you with enough knowledge and help lessen the fear that cripples us. 

Tip #1: Act with confidence

Masseurs, well generally everyone, tend to measure every person they meet for the first time and classify them into stereotypes. When one appears meek and timid, we give the impression that we know little, and masseurs then assume that they can set the parameters of the service, therefore gaining the upper hand. Sometimes in our attempt to appear confident, we act snobbishly. That is also not advisable. New masseurs may feel alienated and give sub par service. Veteran masseurs will see right through it. Acting with confidence means entering the room as if you are entering the doors of your home. 

Kaya ako, pag pumapasok ng spa, ganito ang peg ko:

CHOS!

You have to be comfortable with your own skin, as well as your surroundings. Talk with enough force behind your voice. Smile with slight mischief and not with innocence. This way, you keep the masseur on their toes. After all, when you appear to have enough experience to gauge their performance, they have to surpass what others have done. In that way, the ball is always in your court. 

Tip #2: Timing

Once you have established that you are alpha bitch, mamasan will then present her pride and joy. Usually 10 to 15 of them! Hahaha! But that depends on the day you decide to visit the spa. Spas have the most number of show-ups from Thursday to Saturday. And to get first pick, start shopping between 7pm to 8pm. By 10pm especially on Fridays, the pick of the litter are either on house calls or are already exhausted that they no longer show themselves to visitors. 

Tip #3: The right masseur

Masseurs are either paraded in front of you, in batches when too many, or they stand behind an aquarium with a slit where you could peer through at your own pace. Of course, I prefer the latter. Choose carefully. Ask the masseurs to step forward if you have doubts and the lighting may illuminate your decision. Sometimes, but do not abuse this privilege, you may ask the masseurs to remove their top, so you may see what you are getting yourself into. Pick two or three who's appearance have whetted your appetite and ask for their names. Now, time for a little more digging.

The right masseur is a marriage of appearance and performance, and that is where it gets tricky. You have two options at this point, either ask the mamasan or read online sources such as blogs or forums. 

Source #1: Mamasan

The mamasan is a valuable source of information, especially when they are forthright. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. You may ask them for size, services they can offer, limitations or general attitude but you have to understand the politics behind spa doors. Mamasans tend to push masseurs that they have a good relationship with, and that is established when masseurs give in to requests of mamasans or when they provide a cut of their earnings. Sometimes, they also tend to push masseurs they have a love interest with. These are issues that should be put into consideration when heeding the advice of mamasans. 

Source #2: Blogs and forums

Blogs are another rich source of information, but they are also a potential source of abuse. There are blogs written in the spirit of sharing, but there are also those that are self-serving. Fame in exchange of free service or little pay. Unfortunately, only experience will tell the difference, when what was written does not even parallel the actual experience. 

Forums also offer a wealth of information. The trick is to filter reliable comments from those that are not. Try to read all of the comments of the person of interest and analyze the general trend of the thread. Are most of them positive? Or are most of them negative? Comments are also laced with much self-interest. A negative comment may have been written because the client wishes to keep the masseur to themselves, or they may have been written because the masseur did not give in to the request of the client. I have encountered more than a few times where clients threaten a masseur with a bad review when they do not agree to their "special" pricing. Positive comments are not so innocent as well. Some promote a masseur that they have a love interest with, or when they are given special treatment.

Always read everything with a grain of salt. Remember that experiences vary from person to person. In the end, you can only truly rely on your own experience.  

Tip #4: Negotiations

So after the grueling task of choosing the right masseur. We now come to the nitty gritty part of the ordeal. For novice spa goers, please go to section 4.1. For the experienced, please go to section 4.2.

Hahaha!

4.1. The novice spa goer. Ask the masseur to step out of the spa so you may speak to them privately. Settle negotiations there and then. Ask how much will they ask for and what does that include. Be clear and concise. This way, you may be spared from the gulpe-de-gulat quotations or limitations that you will find out mid-session. You may also ask the mamasan for help in negotiating if they are willing.

4.2. The experienced. Negotiations take place mid-session during the transition from massage to ES. This tactic bears in mind that masseurs would rather agree to a lower price than to end up with nothing after the hard work of the massage, so either agree to your price or lose everything. The advantage of this negotiation tactic is that you may trick them to agreeing to a lower price, but be prepared to also walk out... unsatisfied.

And remember, it is within your right to say no.

Tip #5: In house service or outcall

Personally, I prefer outcall services. Not only does it offer more protection from raids, but masseurs also tend to be less hurried and less awkward when privacy is provided by more than just a curtain door. Spa owners also instruct masseurs to wrap up a session in an hour and you have less leeway when they are hovering outside your love cubicle. The usual bar fine is five hundred pesos, but for me, the extra two hundred (total of seven hundred) is worth the advantage. 

Tip#6: Price

ES plus bar fine usually range from one thousand to three thousand, depending which spa you go to, also the kind of service you are requesting. I usually put a cap on three thousand, and only if the masseur is beginning to haunt my dreams! Hihihi!

And parang awa niyo na, wag na kayong hihigit pa diyan! Paslangin ang mga economic saboteurs!!!

Now to answer the other questions I have yet to address:

1. How to contact the masseurs?

Go to the spa!


2. Are they choosy with their clients?

Hahahaha!

After speaking with a lot of masseurs, appearance only plays a small factor. What is paramount are cleanliness, attitude and generosity.


3. Are they safe?

Most massage parlors require their masseurs to have a health check every two weeks or they may not report for duty. 

But hey! Always practice safe sex! 

Haaaayyy!!! Pagod na ako!


I hope these answers your questions. :)

P.S. I would appreciate it if you write down your name when you comment. Haha! it kind of gets tiring when you address the person as Anonymous May 13, 2014 at 9:59pm! Hihihi!!!