Frustrations

So... I was supposed to meet with this incredibly sought after otoko but he rescheduled...


Nadeny ang beauty ko!


Huhuhu!


So I've decided to say hi to an old friend na lang! Hihihi!


Hi old friend! (Yung penis ah, not Arnie!)


Hahaha!


Chos!

Anyway, I'm still not in the mood to write FRs

And they say that pictures say a thousand words

So consider this my thousand word essay!

This was when he was cumming

This was when I was examining the evidence

This was when I was mercilessly playing with his sensitive post-ejaculation dick!

Hehehe!

Namiss ko uli!

What's in my hada bag

Ola again mga amigas!


Naghibernate nanaman ang inyong beauty queen 


Well, alam niyo naman


Hindi basta basta nag apparition ang royalty para sa kahit sino sinong otoko lamang


I'm not SailorSpade you know!


Charot!


Hahaha!


Pero yes it's true


May minimum requirements ang inyong hada queen para lumabas sa kanyang kweba!

Charaugggghhht!


Hahaha!


Well, honestly speaking, matagal ko ng bet si Max but because of a certain notorious reputation, naghesitate ang inyong hada queen (ummmm... how shall we call it...) magpasawsaw!


Chos!


If not for my super kulit best friendship for life na si dhalfaceguy/Hegod who swore to me on his life na gwapo daw talaga ang otokong ito, hindi na sana kami magtatagpo


At kung sakaling mali man siya, mage-end na ang aming friendship dahil ie-end ko na ang kanyang life!


CHOS!


But the final push came noong nagpalive FB si madam Tonet of Elysium!

Homaygulay!!!


Amfugi!


Aaaayiiiiiiii!!!!


Mega dial kaagad ang mga daliri ko sa hada phone kaso...

Aaaaaayyyy! Shuta kang bakla ka! Pahard to get is sooo last century na!


Charot!


But after 25 missed calls,


Tonet: [Homaygulay! May atat na bakla!] Good evening madam, may subo... este natutulog kasi ako!


MS: Nakatulog habang may subo? Winner ka madam! Char! NASAN SI MAX?!?!


Tonet: Ay madam, ngayon na ba?


MS: Wait! I must prepare! Bukas! Pero sabihan mo si Max na maghanda para sa aming pagtutuos dahil hihigupin ko ang kanyang katas... este lakas! Hihihi


Aaaayyyiiii!!! Eto na! Matutuloy na ang aming... pagsasawsaw! 


Hihihi!


When I told my dear friendship He-God na uunahan ko na siya kay Max tulad ng pagtataksil na ginawa niya sa akin kay Troy, he had a few parting words for me which I choose to believe were out of care and concern!


He-God: Wag ka magrerelos


MS: Yes yes hahaha


He-God: Pati cellphone mo dapat 3310


MS: Seriously?


He-God: Wag ka mag leather belt at leather shoes


MS: GRABE KA!


Exagge talaga si best friendship!


Hahaha!


But it did get me thinking... ano nga ba dapat ang dinadala sa isang hada session?


So out of the concern for my loyal subject's peace of mind and general welfare, I have decided it is finally time to share the ultra secret contents of my hada bag!


So presenting... 

The Hada Bag

And eto na, bubuksan ko na


Drum roll please!

Yes, mga baks.

Looking like this takes effort you know!


Charot! 


Hahaha!


Eto na seryoso na!

So ganyan dapat, mga sisters. The contents of your hada bag should be simple, minimalistic and without extravagance. 


It should not contain belongings that you are not willing to part with.


Take mine for example, 


Kung sakaling magkamali man siya na dekwatin ang aking hada bag, I can honestly tell him...


Kainin mo ang condom!


Chos!


Hahaha!


Now, let us discuss the contents one by one.

1 & 2. Condom and Lube - Well, honestly speaking, hindi naman talaga ako bottom. Pinabaon lang sa akin ni Madam SailorSpade yan from his secret stash just in case I want to be like him daw and feel like a 'genuine woman'. 


Ooookkaaayyyy madam


Whatever makes you happy!


Chos!


Hahahaha!


But seriously, especially right now when HIV is so prevalent, safety from sexual contact should be paramount.

3. Lotion - Yes yes, I know. Responsibilidad dapat ng masseur ang magdala ng lotion or oil. 


Pero my gas! 


Sa kutis ko pa din naman ipapahid yan and I refuse to be lathered by the god only knows where nila nakuhang cheapanga lotion! 


Mamaya magka contact urticaria pa ako! 


Eh di hindi na kami magiging magkamukha ni Cate Blanchett!


Charot!


Hahahah!

4. Mouthwash - Haaayyy! Personal hygiene - an appallingly often neglected necessity.  


The truth is mga mader, hondami ng masseurs ang nagrereklamo sa akin because they had to kiss someone's imburnal breath or suffer the wrath of a negative FR.


At ito pa yung mga gusto laplapan talaga!


Homaygulay! Nakakaawa!


I had to offer my delicate shoulders for them to cry on as they describe the breathing techniques required for holding your breath!


Echos!


Hahaha!


Pero why not a toothbrush?


Well, according to the experts, brushing your teeth inflicts microabrasions on your gums therefore facilitating the entry of microorganisms.


So to maintain a minty fresh breath while minimizing the risk of bacterial invasion, I chose a mouthwash!

5 & 6. Tissue and Alcohol - Strictly speaking you don't really need it especially since most hotel/motels do provide tissues. For me, it's just a force of habit to bring tissues and alcohol.


So mostly, I use it to wipe off whatever ang pumutok so mukha ko, and sorry to Sogo, pero I am not going to use their agaw abrasions rough paper to wipe off my face!

Hahaha so now that I have discussed the contents of my hada bag, it's time for some Q&A!


Bibo #1: Madam, what about money? How much do you bring?


That is an excellent question! Oo nga naman!


As much as I want to believe that my angking ganda is payment enough, the truth is, kailangan mo pa din magbayad! 


Hahahaha!


Pero my gulay, just bring enough! I've heard some people na dala dala pa ang life savings, 6 months salary and 13th month pay!


Para que mga sisters?


Iwan na yan sa bahay! The area for trysting is not a place to bring your salapi!


Usually I bring the negotiated fee, motel fee, parking fee, then add 2k more just in case of emergencies or kung gutom ang otoko!

Bibo #2: My queen, e paano kung hindi maiwasan at may dala kang valuables?


Then, the trick is my loyal subject, is to never let it our of your sight!


Wag mong iwan sa tabi, or sa pocket ng iyong pants!


Bring it everywhere, even in the showers!


Bibo #3: Your excellency, kamusta naman ang pananaig with Max?


Hahaha! Kailangan ba talaga pagusapan?


Very well, I'm not in the mood to elaborate it xerex xavier style.


Suffice to say, I was happy naman and if you're going to ask kung may nadekwat ba sa akin? Well behave naman ang Max during my time.


However, truth be told, unfortunately I do know for a fact that the rumors surrounding him are true.


But that doesn't matter.


Afterall, kung yan lang ang laman ng aking hada bag


Ang mananakaw lang niya sa akin ay ang aking... puri!


ECHOS!

How I Met Your Mother... este SailorSpade (Discreet Talk)

Lahat naman tayo nagdaan diyan...


Well, halos lahat pala


Kasi baka si Chupstogo hindi


Yes, baks!


I saw your baby pictures!


Kaya alam kong isinilang ka sa mundo complete with sash and tiara!

Chupstogo, a long long long long long long long long long time ago!

CHAROT! 


Hahaha!


Kidding aside, I believe that we all went through that phase in our lives when we first discover we were different. 


Most of us will choose to keep it a secret when we first realize it because we know the world would not understand. But no matter how we suppress it, there will always be a part of us who would want to reach out and seek out those who would know and understand us for who we truly are.


So this is the story of one such experience... how I first met SailorSpade.


Una kong napansin ang haliparot sa FRCentral dahil noong first time nadiscover ng higad ang wonderful world of otokos... 


HONDAMING HINADA! 


Parang batang pinagkaitan ng laruan ng ilang taon tapos biglang papakawalan sa Toys R Us!


Well, that is... kung ganito ang itinitinda ng Toys R Us...

At bottomesa ang bata...


Which in this case, is true!


Charot!


Hahaha!


Pero my gas! Puti, kayumanggi, matangkad, unano, payat o mataba, walang pinalagpas ang lola ninyo basta may titi!

Char!


Hahaha!


Pero dahil naaliw ako sa kalandian albeit wa taste adventures ng alupihang dagat, nadecide kong gampanan ang long-neglected duties ko bilang ambassadress of good will and foreign affairs!


Charot!


From then on, lagi ko na siyang nakakachat at nakilala na ng lubusan hangang sa dumating ang araw na hindi na daw niya matiis at kailangan na daw niya masilayan ang beauty ko!


Well, alam naman natin na sadyang mapagbigay ang inyong Virgin Queen, kaya ginantimpalaan ko na siya ng matamis kong 'oo'!


Chos!


Nadecide namin magkita sa isang restaurant to have dinner at dahil never pa naman kami nagkita, ang usapan was uupo siya sa 3rd seat from the entrance of the restaurant



Pag-arrive ko sa entrance ng restaurant...

Hinanap ko kaagad ang 3rd seat


At dahil sure na sure ang lola ninyo na siya yung na sa 3rd seat, mega-approach kaagad ako while sashaying my hips


Nakipag eye to eye contact while batting my long eye lashes sa mamang nakaupo, sabay:

SHUTANGINAMESH!!! Mistaken identity! Mali! NAKAKAHIYA!


Nasan ang hampas lupang hindi marunong magbilang? 


Aaaaayyyy! Basta ganon ganon na lang nasira kaagad ang inaalagang refutasyon!


Sasakalin ko ssssiiyyyyaaaa!


Habang namumulamula pa ang fez ko dahil sa dinanas na kahihiyan dulot ng salot na hindi ata pumasa ng 3rd grade mathematics, nagscout na ako sa paligid ng mga possible candidates na maaring maging si SailorSpade


May napansin akong wafung lalaki sa 4th seat ng restaurant


Nakayuko at mukhang kinakabahan


Siya nga ba yun?


Parang cannot be!


Masyadong lalaki. Ang tigas kung gumalaw...


Eh medyo konti lang naman ang tao sa restaurant at siya na ang next most geographically compatible from the agreed point of meeting, kaya nagpasya na ako...


So batting my eyelashes once more


ManilaSpanatic: [In faux musculine deep voice] Ehem ehem, pareng Sailor?


Ngumiti pabalik ang otoko

HOMAYGULAY!


Ang lakas ng sex appeal ng loka!


Para akong inalon ng sex appeal!

ETO NA!!! Eto na ang papakasalan ko!!!


Napatawad ko kaagad ang kanyang inability na mag 1 + 1!


Char!


Hahaha!


Pero of course, hindi na ako nagpahalata sa aking love at first sight at na maintain ko pa din ang poise at lady-like persona


Buti na lang at hindi niya sinilip ang ilalim ng mesa at baka masight niya umaapaw na ang marshland!


Chos!


Hahaha!


Actually, dapat pala nagpasalamat na ako at sumipot siya


Dahil may balak palang indianin ako ng higad princess!


Shokot na shokot pala siya na baka dumating ako na naka wig, eyelash extension at evening gown!


Maswerte na lang pala at hindi niya natiyempuhang may evening gala sa Buckinghum Palace ng gabing iyon!


Char


Pero buti na din that he came to his senses and avoided the utter disaster and reputational ruin that will befall his name for standing up royalty!


Charot!


Hahaha!


Pero kung sakaling nadecide niyang hindi pa siya handa sa aking beauty at magback out, I think I would have understood him.


Because meeting SailorSpade was a gentle reminder of how it was for all of us when we first came out. 


You see, we've all been there. 


The feeling that you don't quite fit in. That you somehow don't belong. And if you could bury this part of you a secret as long as you lived, you would have. 


But buried secrets have a way of creeping up to the surface, especially one that is fundamentally a part of who you are. Then you begin to feel this particular restlessness, that somehow your life feels incomplete because how could it feel otherwise if no one knows completely who you are. 


So you start to reach out and look for another soul that could understand, all the while struggling with the fear that comes with the realization that taking this step, coming out to someone, is a point of no return. Because letting someone know your secret carries a certain sense of finality. All of a sudden, the secret becomes real, it becomes tangible, and should you regret it, you have already lost the opportunity to take it back and hide it forever. 


Of course, to a lot of us, the nagging need to express who we truly are eventually wins out our need to keep up with appearances and hide from the world. So we overcome our fears and tell the world "take me for who I am!"


As for me, it happened such a long time ago that I have already forgotten how hard it has been and my friendship with SailorSpade is a welcome reminder that to some, the struggle is ever present. 


Overcoming this hurdle does not happen for everyone. To some, the fear of the unknown and uncertainty is just too great to risk taking the road less traveled. Maybe they simply have a different circumstance in life from yours, or maybe they simply lack the courage. I know that a lot of us will not understand why they could not do what we have done. 


But perhaps the point is not to understand, but to remember... to remember how it was before we came out.


So 4 years into the friendship at nasa closeta pa din ang malanding paminta


But then again, it doesn't matter


Because we understood his situation, respected his decision and are glad that found people he could show this side of him


So the rest of the world , this is what he may show

Pero para sa amin nakilala na talaga siya


He will forever be...

Chos!


Disclaimer: I count myself lucky for meeting my best friend through these kind of meet ups but I have met my fair share of rotten to the core bad bad bad apples. So be careful dahil hindi lahat ng diwata mababait.