What's in my hada bag

Ola again mga amigas!


Naghibernate nanaman ang inyong beauty queen 


Well, alam niyo naman


Hindi basta basta nag apparition ang royalty para sa kahit sino sinong otoko lamang


I'm not SailorSpade you know!


Charot!


Hahaha!


Pero yes it's true


May minimum requirements ang inyong hada queen para lumabas sa kanyang kweba!

Charaugggghhht!


Hahaha!


Well, honestly speaking, matagal ko ng bet si Max but because of a certain notorious reputation, naghesitate ang inyong hada queen (ummmm... how shall we call it...) magpasawsaw!


Chos!


If not for my super kulit best friendship for life na si dhalfaceguy/Hegod who swore to me on his life na gwapo daw talaga ang otokong ito, hindi na sana kami magtatagpo


At kung sakaling mali man siya, mage-end na ang aming friendship dahil ie-end ko na ang kanyang life!


CHOS!


But the final push came noong nagpalive FB si madam Tonet of Elysium!

Homaygulay!!!


Amfugi!


Aaaayiiiiiiii!!!!


Mega dial kaagad ang mga daliri ko sa hada phone kaso...

Aaaaaayyyy! Shuta kang bakla ka! Pahard to get is sooo last century na!


Charot!


But after 25 missed calls,


Tonet: [Homaygulay! May atat na bakla!] Good evening madam, may subo... este natutulog kasi ako!


MS: Nakatulog habang may subo? Winner ka madam! Char! NASAN SI MAX?!?!


Tonet: Ay madam, ngayon na ba?


MS: Wait! I must prepare! Bukas! Pero sabihan mo si Max na maghanda para sa aming pagtutuos dahil hihigupin ko ang kanyang katas... este lakas! Hihihi


Aaaayyyiiii!!! Eto na! Matutuloy na ang aming... pagsasawsaw! 


Hihihi!


When I told my dear friendship He-God na uunahan ko na siya kay Max tulad ng pagtataksil na ginawa niya sa akin kay Troy, he had a few parting words for me which I choose to believe were out of care and concern!


He-God: Wag ka magrerelos


MS: Yes yes hahaha


He-God: Pati cellphone mo dapat 3310


MS: Seriously?


He-God: Wag ka mag leather belt at leather shoes


MS: GRABE KA!


Exagge talaga si best friendship!


Hahaha!


But it did get me thinking... ano nga ba dapat ang dinadala sa isang hada session?


So out of the concern for my loyal subject's peace of mind and general welfare, I have decided it is finally time to share the ultra secret contents of my hada bag!


So presenting... 

The Hada Bag

And eto na, bubuksan ko na


Drum roll please!

Yes, mga baks.

Looking like this takes effort you know!


Charot! 


Hahaha!


Eto na seryoso na!

So ganyan dapat, mga sisters. The contents of your hada bag should be simple, minimalistic and without extravagance. 


It should not contain belongings that you are not willing to part with.


Take mine for example, 


Kung sakaling magkamali man siya na dekwatin ang aking hada bag, I can honestly tell him...


Kainin mo ang condom!


Chos!


Hahaha!


Now, let us discuss the contents one by one.

1 & 2. Condom and Lube - Well, honestly speaking, hindi naman talaga ako bottom. Pinabaon lang sa akin ni Madam SailorSpade yan from his secret stash just in case I want to be like him daw and feel like a 'genuine woman'. 


Ooookkaaayyyy madam


Whatever makes you happy!


Chos!


Hahahaha!


But seriously, especially right now when HIV is so prevalent, safety from sexual contact should be paramount.

3. Lotion - Yes yes, I know. Responsibilidad dapat ng masseur ang magdala ng lotion or oil. 


Pero my gas! 


Sa kutis ko pa din naman ipapahid yan and I refuse to be lathered by the god only knows where nila nakuhang cheapanga lotion! 


Mamaya magka contact urticaria pa ako! 


Eh di hindi na kami magiging magkamukha ni Cate Blanchett!


Charot!


Hahahah!

4. Mouthwash - Haaayyy! Personal hygiene - an appallingly often neglected necessity.  


The truth is mga mader, hondami ng masseurs ang nagrereklamo sa akin because they had to kiss someone's imburnal breath or suffer the wrath of a negative FR.


At ito pa yung mga gusto laplapan talaga!


Homaygulay! Nakakaawa!


I had to offer my delicate shoulders for them to cry on as they describe the breathing techniques required for holding your breath!


Echos!


Hahaha!


Pero why not a toothbrush?


Well, according to the experts, brushing your teeth inflicts microabrasions on your gums therefore facilitating the entry of microorganisms.


So to maintain a minty fresh breath while minimizing the risk of bacterial invasion, I chose a mouthwash!

5 & 6. Tissue and Alcohol - Strictly speaking you don't really need it especially since most hotel/motels do provide tissues. For me, it's just a force of habit to bring tissues and alcohol.


So mostly, I use it to wipe off whatever ang pumutok so mukha ko, and sorry to Sogo, pero I am not going to use their agaw abrasions rough paper to wipe off my face!

Hahaha so now that I have discussed the contents of my hada bag, it's time for some Q&A!


Bibo #1: Madam, what about money? How much do you bring?


That is an excellent question! Oo nga naman!


As much as I want to believe that my angking ganda is payment enough, the truth is, kailangan mo pa din magbayad! 


Hahahaha!


Pero my gulay, just bring enough! I've heard some people na dala dala pa ang life savings, 6 months salary and 13th month pay!


Para que mga sisters?


Iwan na yan sa bahay! The area for trysting is not a place to bring your salapi!


Usually I bring the negotiated fee, motel fee, parking fee, then add 2k more just in case of emergencies or kung gutom ang otoko!

Bibo #2: My queen, e paano kung hindi maiwasan at may dala kang valuables?


Then, the trick is my loyal subject, is to never let it our of your sight!


Wag mong iwan sa tabi, or sa pocket ng iyong pants!


Bring it everywhere, even in the showers!


Bibo #3: Your excellency, kamusta naman ang pananaig with Max?


Hahaha! Kailangan ba talaga pagusapan?


Very well, I'm not in the mood to elaborate it xerex xavier style.


Suffice to say, I was happy naman and if you're going to ask kung may nadekwat ba sa akin? Well behave naman ang Max during my time.


However, truth be told, unfortunately I do know for a fact that the rumors surrounding him are true.


But that doesn't matter.


Afterall, kung yan lang ang laman ng aking hada bag


Ang mananakaw lang niya sa akin ay ang aking... puri!


ECHOS!